He's a beauty

Ahem, some people just send a simple RSVP when invited to a do. Others a text. And then there is Glenn

Dear Richard and Samantha,

Lord and Lady Inglesby Cartwright are pleased to dutifully accept your kind invitation, having turned down several other more important and enticing engagements on the day.

Kindly make arrangements to accommodate our gleaming Rolls Royce, personal security detail and our butler.

We record that we will not entertain any press interviews or suffer the presence of paparazzi photographers.

Kindly also take note that we have exquisite palates and sensitive stomachs arising from our recent and tedious sojourn in the tropical colonies.

That will unfortunately mean that any home brewed/concocted and non pre-sanctioned ‘sauces/marinades/hidden agendas’ etc. emanating from the dreaded Firmin-Thomas Clan will be totally unacceptable.

While we will (with regret and a fair degree of inconvenience) arrive with appropriate and suitably regal seating, we would appreciate you arranging sufficient space (approx 50 sq. metres should suffice) for our entourage, air conditioning and/or servants with fans, a Wilton wool red carpet (alternatively hand weaved Turkish rugs will suffice) – and of course crystal glasses and an endless supply of spring water ice for our favourite tipple.

It is ignominious enough to have to have our personal staff cater for such beverages in any event.

With regard to your odious and appalling suggestion of bringing ‘costumes’, we regret that we will not be partaking is such childish and frivolous activities under any circumstances. The thought of such scurrilous and close quarter interactions with mere commoners is quite revolting.

Finally, you will need to provide copious quantities of triple-ply white (with little blue doggies) toilet paper in the private facilities that you will be making available for our exclusive use – in order to assist in getting rid of all the BS that we have included in this missive.

We will deliver a short 20 page/200 point check-list for your completion, signature and confirmation prior to the event – to ensure that our simple needs are accommodated.

No doubt our mere presence at your humble gathering will elevate the tone and standing of said event immeasurably and we look forward to engaging some of the more cerebral and pedigreed attendees in scintillating verbal intercourse and our rapier-like wit...

Your Regal Consorts,

Lord & Lady Inglesby Cartwright (aka Lord & Lady Muck)

So ya.....gotta love him!! (oh and he left the party at 2am mumbling something in Swahili and walking in circles)